#I cant get her to look at me this way so I can never get it on camera
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love-marimo · 2 days ago
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Lover Girl (Luffy x Fem!Reader | Highschool AU)
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Lolita's Note: my friends. i am back to writing! after months of yapping and yapping on this blog, i decided to get my ass back into actually writing. i realize i have already written two separate fics on sanji and zoro and luffy is the only one out of the monster trio that i havent dedicated a fic to (yes i love them cant u tell?)! im channeling my inner lover girl for this fic and make it as cringe as possible, so if you find reader to be too sweet and giddy, my apologies 😭
featuring: usopp, nami, chopper, and a mention of nojiko and the asl brothers ღ'ᴗ'ღ
as always, requests are open ! ★
ー inspired by laufey's new song of the same title (i love her so much) ♡
cw: none, just some silly high school fluff with our ball of sunshine (▱˘◡˘▱)
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There has been a lot on your mind lately, but one person lives rent free in your head, and you want to know if you deserve a chance with him…
"Dear Luffy, I hope you don't mind me writing this to you. I like-"
Crumple.
"Hey Luffy-"
Crumple.
"Hi :) I love-"
Crumple.
"How am I gonna tell him?!" You buried yourself under your pillows and groaned in frustration. There are too many crumpled papers for you to count scattered on your bed yet here you are, trying to write a love letter that won't be embarrassing enough in case your friends find it. Your mind is in shambles. You still have an algebra assignment waiting for you at your desk. You think about your classmate that you've admired since 7th grade. You wonder if you should even write a letter to secretly hide under his desk. But then, will he ever find it? Or should you just go the classic route, wait for Valentine's and confess to him?
"This is just so dumb." You mutter to yourself, counting on your fingers the reasons why you shouldn't feel this way in the first place. "Why do I even like him anyway? He's stupid and makes childish jokes. He's noisy and never pays attention to class. He's always with Usopp doing random things, and god, he always does pranks on Chopper!"
But then you smile to yourself, clutching a pillow to your chest. "But he's also kind. And honest. And funny. And he's really cute when he smiles… gosh!" You squeal and giggle, recounting the many times you hear him laugh.
Your lovestruck thoughts were cut off by an angry older sister barging into your room.
"What the heck are you doing screaming and laughing to yourself? Go do your homework!" Nami, who's in her senior year angrily nags at you.
"Sorry." You pouted, getting up to sit on your desk and do what she said.
"What was it all about anyway? And why do you have so many crumpled papers on your bed?" She walked over curiously to read all the failed love letters you tried to write.
"Wait, no don't look!" But it was too late.
Nami pauses for a moment, shocked, then turns to look at you and laughs out loud.
"Seriously? You have a crush on Luffy out of all people?" You turn to her with a blush on your face, which makes your sister laugh even more.
"Oh my god. I need to tell Nojiko about this." Grabbing her phone, Nami giggles as she collects all the notes to read.
"Don't tell anyone in school! Please…"
"What do you like about him, though? He looks like someone who'll get robbed easily."
"He's not that gullible!!" You furrowed your brows, disagreeing.
"Look at you, huffing and puffing and defending him." She teases, pinching your cheek playfully.
"The truth is, I don't know how to confess to him." You sighed, hitting your head on your desk.
"Just give him a burger or something. That boy loves meat above anything else. Or you can ask Usopp to give him your letter." She says, stepping out of your room while calling Nojiko, your eldest sister who's away for college.
You didn't sleep well that night, because after finishing your assignment, you resumed in crafting the most acceptable love letter hoping that Luffy won't cringe or laugh at. You contemplated the color of the envelope to put the letter in but settled with a plain white one, so that it won't be obvious.
You were determined to confess to him, because you just can't take it anymore, and you want to get this over with, wholeheartedly expecting rejection.
The next day went by like normal. You made sure to wear your lucky charm before heading out. And at school, Luffy was being restless again, and teachers nagged on him like usual.
"Luffy and Usopp, pay attention to class! And Luffy, did I not tell you to stop bringing that strawhat?" Your teacher said angrily. Luffy quickly stuffed the strawhat in his bag, and the class snickered at him. The two obeyed the teacher, but looked at each other constantly trying to hold their laughs.
Lunch break came, and you're at the canteen contemplating what to buy for Luffy. Then you remembered what Nami told you last night. So, you settled for a burger and a can of soda.
"Please find the burger with the biggest patty." You told the lady behind the counter.
"Here you go." She said, smiling.
You thanked her and proceeded to wait for the Luffy, Usopp and Chopper at their usual spot. You made sure to catch Usopp first, so you can secretly give him your little gift to Luffy without being direct.
"Okay. Here goes." You whisper to yourself as you approached him.
"Psst, hey, Usopp!" You called to him when Luffy went to the bathroom.
"Oh, hey! What is it?" He waved, unassuming.
"Can you give this to Luffy?" You handed the food with the neatly glued envelope to the unsuspecting long-nose.
"What's this for?" He asked, tilting his head.
"Umm…"
And before you can tell a well-thought out lie, a familiar voice rings behind you.
"For me!!" Luffy giggles, taking the burger without hesitation.
"What's that?" Chopper peeks behind him, pointing at the envelope.
All the three turned their eyes on your letter, which was neatly written on a pastel pink scented paper. And that's when you realized you may have made the most stupid decision in your teenage life.
And you had to do something about it.
In a blur, you grabbed the envelope from Chopper, and dragged Luffy somewhere quiet. You didn't care where it is, your looming embarrassment makes you want the ground to eat you alive and get it over with.
"Hey!" The unknowing boy laughs, "What are we doing? Is this some secret game?"
"Open it." You look down, voice suddenly stern ー an attempt to save yourself from your rapidly beating heart, and a face blushing heavily that you wonder if he'll laugh at you if you look at him like that.
"Hmm… Let's see… Luffy, thank you for existing… Luffy…"
"You don't have to read it out loud!"
"Oh, okay. Sorry." He looks at you for a moment, and reads your letter carefully.
There's a moment of silence between you. It was overwhelming. You can't help but feel like you're waiting to be jumpscared in a horror movie. It's laughable, really. You pray that nobody else sees you in this state.
So when you do look at him, you find him staring at you. He calls your name.
"Yes?" You smile shyly, hoping he got the message as you wait for his reply.
I wonder what he'll say… you think a monologue to yourself trying not to smile like a fool.
"What does this mean?" He asks, as if he just read the most complex calculus equation.
It felt like somebody shattered a glass in your mind, snapping you out of your thoughts. Your expression… couldn't be drawn. You don't know if you'll cry, laugh or be mad at him in disbelief.
"Wh-what?"
"This letter. I don't understand it." He says, as a matter of fact. Because it's true. He has never received a love letter. And he's seen some words he's never encountered before. He has a rough idea of what you meant, but just to be sure, he asks again.
"Are you kidding me?!" You asked yourself more than you wanted to ask him. You fell to your knees, muttering words to yourself.
"Whoa, are you okay?" He kneels beside you.
"What is it that you don't get?" You ask, in a disappointed whisper.
"Well there's this word… uhh… bree…breeyath… brathta-"
"Breathtaking."
"And this one! A… adooray?"
"Adore."
"Oh and this one too-"
"Right. You can't read."
Now you wonder how he's in the same grade as you.
You heaved a sigh, composing yourself. Then you sat him on a bench and placed your hands on his shoulder, looking at him intently.
With his wide, childlike eyes, he smiles. Oh, that dumb smile that you fell for the first time you saw him…
"Listen. I'm going to say this once, okay?"
He nods.
"I. Like. You." You say slowly, making sure he understands you this time.
He blinked. Then he gasps.
"Oh!!! I get it now. You have a crush on me."
"Yes."
"So that means we are dating!"
"No!" You face palm. "I mean… if you feel the same way…" You say bashfully in a whisper.
"Well, I don't mind! What do people do when they date?" He pauses, finger on his chin, thinking hard.
"Luffy, this is not a game! God, you don't know what you're doing to me."
"What do you mean? I've heard Ace say that dating is fun. It's what adults do!" He laughs, as if he discovered an interesting hobby to do.
"It's not that easy! We're literally teenagers. And besides when you date you… k-ki…"
"Kiss!" He beams, like it's a great idea that popped in his head.
"Stop!!" He laughs in response, finding joy in your blushing state.
"Hey guys! We've been looking for you everywhere. What happened to her, Luffy?" Usopp called.
"Oi!! I have something to tell you." Luffy walks towards them, proudly showing off the letter you wrote for him.
"She made this for me! The burger had the biggest patty I've eaten in a while, too."
Chopper and Usopp shared a glance, then with a teasing look on their face, walked over to you.
"So that's why you suddenly disappeared on us." Usopp laughed, poking your cheek.
"Did you kiss? Did you kiss?" Chopper pinched your other cheek, giggling with the other boy. You closed your eyes in defeat. Luffy laughed at you, handing you the soda you gave him.
"Here you can have this. Thanks for the burger! I owe you one."
"But I bought this for you." You tried to reject it. But the smile on your face says otherwise.
"It's okay, if you want we can share." He suddenly has two straws and handed one to you.
"I have an idea!" Chopper suddenly placed a handkerchief on your head, took the soda can from your hand, and replaced it with Luffy's hand instead.
"Oooh, what's this?" Luffy curiously asked, casually taking your hand as ordered by Chopper.
Your heart skipped a beat, and you took it all in you not to pass out with it.
"Reverend Usopp, please read the rite of passage to consecrate this union." Chopper said in a lower voice, holding the soda can up in the air.
Then the realization hit you.
"Wait… are we simulating a marriage right now?" You stammered with a beet red face, and a mind going in shambles.
"What?" Luffy asked, dumbfounded.
This handkerchief… is supposed to be a veil… and I'm holding his hands right now… I feel like I'm going crazy!
Usopp improvised some sort of deeply worded paragraph, copying a priest. You stared into the distance, and all Luffy could think about is drinking the soda with you.
"Mr. Monkey D. Luffy, do you take her as your wife?" Chopper asked.
"Hey, give us the soda! I'm parched-" Luffy tried to reach for the drink,
"Just say, "I do.", you idiot! You're ruining the moment." Usopp punched him in the head. Luffy muttered out a weak apology while saying,
"I… do."
Chopper then turned to you and asked the same question.
"I… I'm not ready-" Usopp cut you off and tried to mimic your voice.
"I do~"
"Hey!"
"Then you may now kiss the bride! But let's keep this PG. Please enjoy the unifying potion for newlywed couples, the holy water!" Chopper proudly said, opening to soda can and inserting the two straws for the both of you to drink out of.
You burst into laughter. "What? Holy water? Chopper, you have a crazy imagination."
"St-stop praising me, stupid! It doesn't make me happy at all, birdbrain." He huffed out annoyingly at first, then smiled, giggling.
"I taught him well." Usopp said suavely, satisfied with himself.
"It wasn't a compliment, though." You replied, unimpressed.
"Hey, can we drink it now?" Luffy tapped your shoulder.
"Oh, um… okay." You opened the soda can and inserted the two straws.
"So, what was that about?" He nonchalantly asked after taking a sip.
"You don't know how a marriage ceremony works?" He shrugged in reply. Chopper and Usopp cheered in the background, humming marriage music together and laughing.
"Well, just think of it like dating." You looked away.
"Okay!" He smiled, drinking the last bit of soda.
"Whew, that was refreshing!" Absentmindedly taking your hand to walk you back to the classroom. He doesn't realize it, but you didn't miss the way his cheeks were slightly reddish, and his laughs more giddy.
You hope to yourself that he doesn't change ー that he remains to be this carefree guy who's always up for an adventure. You wonder what's on his mind, what he wants to be when he grows up, and most of all, if the future he dreams about includes you.
Now, for the million dollar question: are you two dating now?
Well… it's not as complicated as you make it out to be. He accepted your confession, and he's more than willing to try, even if this is his first time experiencing what young love feels like. It's foreign to him, but it's new.
And to him, new is always something to look forward to.
The bell rang, and it was time to go home. Usopp went ahead to Chopper's classroom because he promised to treat him to some ramen after school.
"I'll leave you two lovebirds." He waved, and you and then parted ways.
"What do you want to do now?" Luffy asks.
"I have to be home before five. Nami doesn't want me out pretty late."
"What?! Nami's your sister?" He asked, feeling a chill run down his spine.
"Yeah, do you still want to be my boyfriend?" You chuckle, expecting his reaction.
"Well… I still owe her money…" He looked away, scratching the back of his neck.
"Oh… so that's why she knows you… For what, though? Did you ask her to tutor you or something?"
"Yeah, something like that."
"From now on, let's help each other study. I'm good with Math! In exchange, we have to go on dates every weekend." You suggested.
"Deal. Where do we go?" He replied excitedly.
"I'm working part-time at a flower shop near the docks. You've always liked ships, right?"
"I do!" He looked at you with sparkling eyes, and you smiled.
"I'll talk to Franky and see if I can make you work for him. He's a really cool shipwright."
"I can't wait! I have to tell about us to my brothers."
"I hope they'll like me."
"Of course they will!"
You held hands on the way home, telling each other stories about whatever. Luffy walked you to your house, and bid you goodbye.
"Wait, before you go…" You grabbed his arm and kissed him on the cheek.
Luffy's eyes widened, his chest suddenly feeling tight. Then he smiled, waving at you. "See you tomorrow!"
You waved back in reply, with your back facing him, as you ran towards your home, not believing how you just did that.
When you opened the door, you found your sister smirking by the stairs.
"Guess it went well, huh. He's such a simpleton." Nami teased.
"Don't call him that! I think… he likes me back." You giggled bashfully.
"Yeah, because you probably gave him food. That guy will go along with anything that he finds interesting."
"Curse you." You glared at her, heading towards your room, and Nami just laughs in reply.
Ever since then, you sat with the three of them during lunch. Luffy will sit next to you during class, and he did his best to pay attention, even asking you about things he doesn't understand.
During weekends, he does what you both promised each other. Franky quickly became friends with him, even if he's clumsy at work. The owner of the flower shop teases you every time he's finished with his shift and waits for you outside.
When you have enough money saved up, you go to amusement parks, the cinemas ー anywhere that the city can offer you. Sometimes he'll surprise you with little trinkets he bought or made himself, and you'll always keep it, no matter how silly.
Laughs are shared, and sometimes you cry together over the stupidest things. Luffy's notorious for being the troublemaker, but with you, he got a little tamed. He'd cut classes less often, he participates during discussions, and one time he even went to school with slicked back hair, and everyone made fun of him but he didn't care. Everyone likes him either way, because he makes them laugh, and hearing it especially from you fills his heart with even more joy. He helps out kids who are bullied, and teachers love making him do errands despite being always annoyed by his antics.
The precious strawhat that he never lets anyone wear, have found its way on your head. He will let you wear it especially during summer days, telling you that Chopper told him that the summer sun is bad for your skin.
It's these little things that made you realize that you didn't really make a bad decision that day. You tell yourself that the embarrassment was worth it, even though you frequently fight over food.
And before you know it, the happy-go-lucky simpleton who never understood what it's like to confess your love to someone and never really cared for that matter, now glows brighter with you.
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ー Lolita
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gaeforwom3n · 1 day ago
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۶ৎ | ASHES IN THE SNOW
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۶ৎ Summary: a toxic love with Shauna.. cold, bruising, impossible to leave.
۶ৎ warnings: toxic relationship (i cant think of anything else)
۶ৎ Author's note: this fanfic was inspired by Keshi’s song War
you're sitting by the dying fire outside the cabin, knees pulled up to your chest, staring at the glow like it's gonna tell you what to do next. it's late too late; but you can't sleep. not when shauna’s voice is still echoing in your head from the fight you had hours ago. the way she spat your name like it tasted bad. the way she said she needed you and hated you all at once.
the door creaks open behind you. you don’t look back, but you know it’s her. you can feel her presence like a storm rolling in behind your shoulders.
“you’re still out here?” her voice is quiet, too quiet. it always is after she blows up after she tears you apart with words sharp enough to draw blood. it’s her way of apologizing without saying sorry. she hates saying sorry.
you don’t answer. you just hug your knees tighter. she sits beside you anyway, close enough that you feel the warmth radiating off her, even though there’s still a chasm between you.
“i didn’t mean it,��� she says, staring at the fire. her voice is so calm you’d think she never raised it at all. but her hands are fidgeting, knuckles white where she grips her sleeves. she’s lying. she always means it when she’s angry that’s the only time she’s honest.
you swallow, throat raw. “you did.”
she flinches, just barely. you see it out of the corner of your eye. “fine. maybe i did. maybe i did mean it when i said you make me feel small. that you look at me like you’re waiting for me to break.”
you turn to look at her. the firelight makes her face look soft, almost innocent. but you know better. you’ve seen what’s underneath. the thing that snaps and bites when she feels cornered. “shauna—”
“no,” she cuts you off. her eyes flash, too bright, too wet. “don’t. don’t act like you’re not the same. you like it when i get like this. admit it. you like it when i fight you.”
you laugh, bitter, quiet. “this isn’t fighting, shauna. this is war.”
she looks at you then, really looks at you. like she’s searching for something she can’t find. “then why do you stay?” her voice cracks. you hate that it makes you want to reach for her.
“because you’re all i have,” you whisper. it’s the truth, and you hate it more than she does. “because if i leave, you’ll fall apart. and if you fall apart, so do i.”
she closes her eyes. you see her jaw tense, see her fight the words she wants to say. i love you. she never says it when you need to hear it. only when she’s won.
“come inside,” she says instead. her hand finds yours in the dark, her fingers cold but her grip iron. “it’s freezing.”
you should pull away. you should tell her you’re done. but you let her tug you up anyway, let her drag you back inside the place that feels more like a battlefield than a home. because tomorrow you’ll fight again. tomorrow you’ll lose again. but tonight you’ll pretend her touch is enough to keep you warm.
and maybe that’s love. or maybe it’s just another war you’re too tired to win.
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pangur-and-grim · 2 years ago
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these photos taken by a 'visitor' show a rare pangur expression: disgust and suspicion.
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grossdyke · 4 months ago
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we as a society really need to get into the torrid awful years long harry/hermione affair that started with them stumbling into bed together during the horcrux hunt when ron left. btw
#like hello.#ive never shipped them but this wont get out of my head#something something both of them being orphans (bc hermione obliviated her parents) and both of them being muggles#ron is a pureblood and like. while he’s still a traitor he always has the option to just opt out#go into hiding#death eaters probably wouldnt be actively looking for him#not when the focus is Killing Harry Potter#AND HE DOES OPT OUT#HE LEAVES BECAUSE HE CAN#harry & hermione could never. the war is literally waged on their blood#muggle born orphans & the only two out of the three of them who were ever up close and personal with a death eater#<- something very compelling about them finding comfort in each other. i think#like do you guys remember the scene in halfblood prince at the end when the golden trio + ginny are chillin in someones room at the burrow#and harry & ginny are dating#its such a like ’this is what we’re fighting for❤️’ moment#well. what if harry&hermione are changed after the war in ways that ron (pureblood) cant comprehend !#and now theyre both planning their weddings to their respective weasley because This Is What We Fought For#but ginny doesnt understand harry & ron doesnt understand hermione#and harry doesnt understand ginny & hermione doesnt understand ron#very compelling to think about how something just. shifts between h&h during the war#they never planned on telling ron or anyone bc it was war and it didnt count and nothing was real#but now the war is over and its not as easy as they thought to just go back to how things were#me&kara agree that they end up fucking again after freds funeral#the three of them have been attending so many funerals as a trio#but this one would have ron w his family more.. & harry and hermione sticking together#theyre all staying at the burrow after the funeral and h&h stumble into each other in the kitchen in the middle of the night#and they end up having risky no talking super quick kitchen counter sex#and the actual affair Begins..❤️#never in my fucking life thought i’d ship harry&hermione but here we are
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skunkes · 13 days ago
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who's your type you think..? what kinda person would you see urself wifh
ummmm so i really dont know considering i keep thinking my standards are just super high but they're actually so incredibly non-existent that I cried seeing somebody's partner remember the name of one of their many many ocs the other day.
like ohhh someone you're with would care to remember such a thing...? I quite literally couldn't imagine... my realistic daydreams barely go beyond "you will end up with somebody that hates you 🫶" much less "a partner is a person you share interests with and cares about the little things and um...is nice." A guy like al (personality wise) has always just been the vision of unrealistic idealized romanticized relationship for me. I never thought it could be real. (And then apparently it can be but it's incredibly rare.)
Its less "i havent found someone that looks EXACTLY like xyz" and more I just havent rarely find people I click with enough to be friends, much less anything More. And THEN I'd have to consider oh, would they even make a good partner? But we haven't even made it through that first step lmao (my closest friends are not guys) so all i have is "uhh someone who is nice and i can actually have daily conversations with I guess" (<- literally just a friend)
#skunk mail#anonymous#um. there is one non negotiable thing though. smile.#but yeah i cant describe it because i feel thatd be weird as hell but there's a mutual i have with a partner#thats exactly my type and thats just off description ykwim cause idk what either looks like#some stuff is very specific so I cant even get too into it beyond just ''ummm he's nice''#but its like god i want that. not HIM cause i dont know him‚ who cares. but i want THAT. someone like THAT.#the only way i can describe it is this guy does stuff for his partner that my best friends bf does not do for her.#like the emotional intelligence and consideration and kindness. excitedness.#its also really funny because i just said ''i think ill end up with a guy who hates me'' but adjacently#i think its always so funny you never see 2 people like this together (the eager super nice ones)#thats also why i dont think ill ever find that person. they always go toward someone kinda meaner and scary (NOT IN A BAD WAY.#LIKE IM TELLING U MYSELF THAT I GO TOWARD THE MEANER AND SCARY ONES.)#like idk! it wont happen cause id be scared if someone liked me that much. like what do you mean indont#*i dont have to beg for love 😅 how else do i earn it#what do you mean its not obvious im the one who loves the other more 😅 what am I if not#defined by my self sacrifice and niceness. i literally have nothing else.#so yeah! idk! i rly dont know! and i havent been able to figure it out because i cant even get to the dating part!#but ideally. itd be like that guy. cause i cry whenever i see his partner post anything about him.#i get nauseated imagining that kind of love. well‚ too bad it doesnt seem to exist more commonly#at least ill continue to not get my hopes up#i think finding someone to date that youre compatible with is a bible level miracle
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gece-misin-nesin · 11 months ago
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bnha au except the league is a theatre troupe. they all have the same backstories as canon.
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wolfwarrior142 · 1 year ago
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Callum has asked Rayla twice now to kill him if he's ever corrupted again. This time as like a barter. And this time, despite looking devastated, she finally (begrudgingly) agrees. And later this season, Callum is cleared of his dark magic corruption, but it also warned that if he does dark magic again it'll overwhelm him.
Man my dreams have already been haunted enough by death foreshadowing I can't take much more of it for these two.
#listen i know many many fans adore the angst of one or both of them dying. especially if its the other that caused the killing blow#i get that. i do#but i just wouldnt be able to take that kind of heartache.#if any of the main characters die by the end of the show - ESPECIALLY rayla callum or ez - i will lose my mind. especially if they do it to#each other. either intentionally or not. simply wouldnt be able to take it im too emotional and attached to them to be able to take that#i like angst. but not death angst. i cant take that. especially not for characters i adore so much#they better NOT have either of them kill each other by the end of the show i will not be able to handle it#this better just be some foreshadowing of it 'they said over and over that theyll do it for each other but in the end they love each other#too much to do it and love fixes it' or some sappy bullshit like that. anything but killing each other please i cant handle that#fuck. shits gonna haunt my dreams even more now than before#they wouldnt kill off their main characters that are the faces of their show right? ....right?? please??? i beg?????#please think if the children#me im the children#tdp#tdp s6#tdp s6 spoilers#that scene where they argue about callum doing dark magic again was so very needed but still oof. and the way callum is so much more firm#this time and rayla looks so devastated but knows he means it even more now. god. end me. i just finished that episode on my rewatch btw#also like. can we talk about how she loudly slapped her hands together right in their faces to get her point across. damn id have jumped#back too. she uh. really wanted to get her point across huh. shes never done that before.#oh oof man this episode has no many emotions. giggles and funnies and sadness and sweetness and heartache and fear and worry#thats probably not even all of em#rayla#callum#rayllum#also they really choose random times to use that slightly different animation style huh. that makes their faces look more loose and the#expressions sit differently. looks a little more animated. and like. goofy but not in a bad way? i noticed it blatantly in s5 in at least#one scene (while in the market in 506) and maybe even other spots in s5. and some less obvious spots in s4 too. now here during their#argument and when callum asks rayla to promise again. its not bad its just starkly different and throws me off. wonder if like. a different#person animated those parts and they somehow did it differently. idk it hardcore sticks out to me every time now when i see it.
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secondchoice-ragdoll · 1 year ago
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ujhold · 4 months ago
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after the surgery i will have to look for jobs because im so fucking frustrated and angry on a daily basis for over a month now i cant do this anymore
#also this is gonna sound really mean#but i was just thinking how when im my coworkers age (33) i dont want to live the way she lives#just barely making any money#i make more than her because she works less than me bc she holds yoga classes but even with that i still make somewhat more#and i dont want to keep budgeting for the rest of my life#and i also dont want to live like my mom lived her entire life. working shitty jobs that pay peanuts#but idk how to change my life!!!!!! i cant even pick a class or a course to learn because that also costs money which i dont have#and i dont want to use my tour guide degree or whatever because i dont fucking want to work in that either#and everyone is telling me i should have a job where i can use english and how i speak better english than the majority of#people (LOL. LMAO EVEN.) but literally no one gaf because everyone can speak english. well no obviously not everyone#but in my experience truly nobody gaf that i can speak english. thats expected#i want a different job that pays more so fucking badly but i dont even know where to look because every job ad i see#is either obviously not aimed at me or just reading the description makes me suicidal. the only two type of job ads i ever see#i just want to make 400k a month WHICH ISNT EVEN MUCH at fucking all and yet ive never made a fucking liveable wage#and it makes me feel like such a pathetic failure. cant even get a job that pays me the bare fucking minimum. 400k. cant even have that#and i kept begging my boss to let me work the customer facing job (bc that pays better) but nothing ever came of it#im at the end of my rope i cant even tell people how much i make its so fucking shameful and embarrassing#not to mention that its not enough for anything obviously
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teh-nos · 2 years ago
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I watched Avengers: Age of Ultron (apart from I skipped some overly long action sequences) and I am not sure so can someone tell me whether or not Tony Stark was the baddy in that film? Because about halfway through I was sure he was but then it was maybe just an evil robot after all and I am confused because either this film was surprisingly subversive or it was about robots hitting each other.
#I CANT STAND THE CONFUSION IN MY MIND#also i get why people wrote wanda/sylvie. they should go on a wholesome chick-flick revenge-quest together. and also they should kiss.#also i am now only *half* joking about thor being in love with mjolnir#it kept doing Christianity Bits which was quite awks.#not sure why it used the bit about building the church on a rock for some metal i mean wasn't jesus making a pun there? about peter?#i think Vision might be Jesus? or else he's Dr Manhattan who's done a first year philosophy course. could go either way on that tbh.#BUT TONY WAS THE BADDY RIGHT? WAS HE? WAS TONY THE BADDY OR NOT????#with the homocidal glitches in what he thinks is his winning personality?#and all the weapons he's made and is in fact still making but now he only sells them to The Good Guys?#except look how easily they fall out with each other and also don't a lot of innocent bystanders die in their overly long action scenes?#also i need to write fic about whether mjolnir does in fact obey some unknown code that can be cracked if you set your mind to it#she does like Robot Jesus so apparently we can rely on her to make the major decisions from now on#the ending's a bit ominous - apparently someone's collecting those TVA paperweights to do... something? Oh no! :O#yeah i watched the MCU in the wrong order shut up this was inevitable and Marvisney should just embrace that at this point#(i know 'Marvisney' will never catch on but that will not stop me using it)#the loki series ending is but the latest installment of “unlimited power with no oversight is fine as long as the Good people have it”#UNLESS TONY WAS ACTUALLY THE BADDY. WHICH AS I MENTIONED I AM NOT AT ALL CLEAR ON.#maybe what i mean is was tony stark the baddy *on purpose*?#i only picked this one to watch next because tumblr gifsets told me thor wears a nice coat in it#which he does! but only for a small fraction of the film :(#journey into the mcu#the avengers (the marvel ones not the other ones)
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ef-1 · 1 year ago
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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britneyshakespeare · 9 months ago
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she snorts cocaine at dinner parties in beverley hills
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she goes to church every sunday and has a repressed sapphic crush on her best friend
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nevertheless they are as close as can be
#text post#ive had the idea for this post in my head for the longest time#barbie#dolls#i just love how midge's original face was such an overcorrection for the problems parents had to the original barbie#they thought she was just such a hussy w her makeup and lashes and BOOOOOOBS#(and she was! so? she served cunt!)#so they had to make midge as down-to-earth girl-next-door-looking as possible#in order to sorta. let ppl get over it#and it's amazing how ppl reused the 'they look like sluts' thing w bratz dolls in the early 2000s#i even hear some ppl say now that they think the bratz are too 'mature' looking bc of their makeup and facial expressions#they PRETEND it's about the clothes but honestly they wouldn't have a problem w a less sleepy-eyed doll wearing most of those clothes#bratz wore crop tops from time to time in the original run but they really weren't dressing in any other way ppl often found objectionable#they just think the face is too 'sexy'#and i mean i get not liking the way the bratz faces look. if they creep u out or just arent ur style#u know what doll brand i just really hate the faces of and cannot get past no matter what? rainbow high#god those things are fucking freaky to look at with their fish eyes. im sorry to the fans i just cant join u. the faces put me off too much#there's nothing wrong w not liking the way a doll looks. u just shouldn't moralize it or sexualize children's hobbies#bc the children aren't looking at them that way#sorry this turned into a rant i can literally never be normal about dolls#i love original midge btw this is not a hate post. we stan midge
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orcelito · 22 days ago
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LARPing as a productive and clean adult is Going Well! Cleaned and set up the cat food/water station, then cleaned their litter box (and even SWEPT afterwards!!!!). Also brought in all the new stuff, & the dishes r set aside for now, but i went and washed all the towels... and FOLDED them after!!! And for the kitchen towels I bought, i even set one out in the kitchen!!! Hung on the handle of the oven like a normal person!!!! I may even dry my hands after using the kitchen sink instead of just letting them drip dry or wiping them on my clothes!!!!!
Having in-unit laundry is helping a Ton honestly. While my previous apartment had the laundry room in-building and it was next to my unit so I didnt even have to walk far for it, I still had to worry about quarters and all that business. And about grabbing my clothes from the washer and dryer as soon as they were done. It was an entire Production every time. But now, I can just toss some shit in the wash and get to it when I get to it. Still don't want it to sit for more than a few hours at the most in the wash, but theres still wiggle room!! And i did a 2nd load for blankets, put them in the dryer... and now im in bed!! Blankets still in the dryer, bc it doesnt matter!!! I will fold them tomorrow and they can stay in there for now. And since I don't have to pay per cycle, if my clothes arent entirely dry after the cycle ends, I can just put them in for a little bit longer!!!! No longer have to fucking hang dry my clothes on my bathroom shower curtain rod the rest of the way!!! Dry clothes every time!!!!!!
It's freeing. It makes it a lot easier to Do Stuff. And it's really really nice.
#speculation nation#i also did a little rearranging of my furniture in my spare bedroom. it rly does accomplish the vibes well#of being functionally a spare/guest bedroom while also being a. study of sorts. im mostly gonna use it for stuff i dont want my cats#to bother me for. like lego building or if i pick up dice making. also so i can keep plants that are mildly toxic to them#never gonna keep anything that could outright kill them just in case they do manage to get in#but there r loads of plants that can make cats sick if they eat them that i couldnt easily keep. bc tally is a fucking plant eater#and june likes to chew on anything in front of her. sometimes this includes plants.#but there r plants id LIKE to keep that would make them sick... like geraniums#which wont kill a cat but will make them sick if they eat it. and so having it sectioned off where the cats arent supposed to get to it#is the best way to accomplish that. also i can probably keep some plants outside. i DO have a table out on my patio for this now#it used to be my coffee table and then TV table. but it's a metal and glass table. i think it was originally intended to be an outdoor tabl#it served its makeshift jobs well. but now i own a proper coffee table. so the outdoor table is now where it belongs. outdoors.#im like legit nervous about anyone trying to steal it bc theres rly nothing stopping someone from it if they decide to.#but it's been a solid day and a half and it's still there... a good sign... and it'd be less likely to be stolen if it's got plants on it..#anyways my goals for tomorrow will be to do another run from my apartment (since i didnt do that today)#including packing up my plants (i just left them in the windowsills there lol) and bathroom essentials and kitchen stuff#i also wanna sort out my kitchen Here. which will include clearing the counters of boxes and lego sets#bc i just kinda dropped them in there so theyd be out of the way. but now i dont have open counterspace. kinda cramping my style.#my current dish drying rack is kinda... grody. so im gonna assess whether i think it's reasonably salvageable.#clean it if so. toss it and get a new one if not. and in the meantime i can set dishes to dry on a towel laid out on the counter#but to do THAT. well i need counter space. and thus it comes full circle. id like to make it easier to wash dishes.#tho to set the lego sets elsewhere i need to have my furniture positionings finalized. at least somewhat.#so furniture arranging... also a goal... AND ALSO i need to head to home depot to buy some boxes and look at shower heads#im a busy bee!!!! so much to be done!!!! and this past day was mostly a rest day. didnt wanna leave my apartment.#but my 'rest' day was still spent doing a lot of cleaning and arranging things 😂😂 but it's kinda wild how much im able to do#like theres still SO MUCH to be done. but im doing it. i feel like im getting peeks into what it's like to be neurotypical.#cant stay up much longer tonight if i wanna make the most of tomorrow... i ALSO wanna go bowling lol#if im feeling up to it. we'll see.#i also trimmed my nails today and took a nap :3 im keeping busy and taking care of myself.#not been on tumblr much bc of it all but i shall continue to chat about what ive been up to. bc im proud of what ive accomplished.
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bonestrouslingbones · 2 months ago
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human designs are genuinely so much fun because i get to actually REALLY stretch my character design muscles and play around with different facial features and body types and such, as i have discussed a million times and probably will discuss a million more
however. it is also often devastating. because i am constantly being forced to confront the fact that the characters who suck the most and deserve it the absolute least WILL without fail be the most fitted to the exact designs that are so extremely obviously My Type that there are a couple that i can’t show to my friends without them giving me a look
#YOU KNOW THE EXACT KIND OF LOOK IM TALKING ABOUT. ITS HORRIBLE#having friends was a MISTAKE im just gettinf BULLIED!!!!!!!!!!#havent drawn any recently but currently thinking of the time i showed my rommmate that one drawing of fluff#and near instantly being met with ‘i think you have a type’ because the refs i used for him were various stupid fucking emo boys#(of the rodrick heffley and colan grey variety which is admittedly a weird mix of gender envy and If I Had To Pick A Dude)#anyway i think it would have been less hurtful and awful and mean if she had instead shot me point blank#and THEN on the other side of things characters do not deserve a while ago i was wondering how ebony would look after a few years on hrt#and was anguished to realize that by far the most fitting body type for her would in fact be jasper steven universe. im still mad about it#all this talk about how i dont understand what people see in ebony and then realizing that being a woman instead is all it takes for me#because i can say with full confidence that if i had realized how transfem coded ebony was from the beginning and seen her that way the-#-whole time. well i can’t say i wouldn’t have been thirsting for her louder than everybody else. god damn it#like genuinely jasper is one of those characters i cannot even pretend to be normal about. so you should know how mad i am about this#big buff woman who does horrible things to feel some sense of pride or accomplishment from an outside force and herself#who as an extension of that willingly and gleefully allows herself to be abused and actively seeks that out because of how twisted her-#-sense of connection and understanding are with other people as a direct result of a past that was entirely out of her control but that-#-she never really left even when she pretended she had moved on and grown from it as The Perfect Quartz who everyone praises and loves#im laying all this out about her so that you fully understand how furious i was to realize that this is ebony. what do you fucking MEANNNNNN#EBONY DOESNT DESERVE ALL THAT COME ON. AND HE’S AS HOT AS SHE IS TOO????????? FUCK OFF?????????????#i have to reverse all realizations ive ever had about my own sense of attraction i think. get rid of it#actually i HATE stupid emo boys and mean brutish buff women. cant STAND em. they should all DIE!!!!!!!!!!#AND NOT IN A COOL CHARACTER-DEEPENING WAY EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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its-no-biggie · 1 year ago
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hey guys who was gonna tell me that bocchi the rock contained the single most autistic scene in anime history
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